John 11:33-37 Deep hurt, Deep love

When Jesus saw her sobbing and the Jews with her sobbing, a deep anger welled up within him. He said, “Where did you put him?” “Master, come and see,” they said. Now Jesus wept. The Jews said, “Look how deeply he loved him.” Others among them said, “Well, if he loved him so much, why didn’t he do something to keep him from dying? After all, he opened the eyes of a blind man.” (John 11:33-37 MSG)

Observation:

Here is the BIG question, why would Jesus weep for his friend if he was going to bring him back to life? I mean if He knew this is for His glory, then why would He be so upset?

What's interesting is over and over in the New Testament we are encouraged to rejoice in affliction, in fact Jesus says we are blessed. But here we see Jesus weeping in the face of His friend's affliction and when He knows how the story ends. 

Here is the answer, Jesus is love and love opens itself up to pain. The deeper the love the deeper the suffering. If you know Jesus, then you know there is no one who loves you deeper then Him.

Christ's weeping is also a confirmation of His deep love for Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. After more than three days of hoping for a sign of His love, needing that confirmation so desperately, it has finally come. I wonder what was greater to Mary and Martha, that their brother was brought back to life and they witnessed a miracle, or that their hopes were confirmed and that Jesus the Christ loved them deeply?

Application:

Like David writes in the psalms my eyes grow dim looking for the salvation of The Lord. But when I listen closely to the cry of my heart, what I hear is a heart longing to be reassured that Christ truly does love her. When the enemy (satan, the world, your flesh) yells that affliction equals punishment, you become desperate to hear that You are loved by Jesus. But for me it needs to be Christ in person, I don't want a message sent over miles of wire, text message, I want His touch. No a pat Christian answer will not placate this pain, I need a Jesus encounter. 

Jesus could have sent a message to Mary and Martha saying He loved them and then showed up four days later, but that's now how He did it. He came in person, expressed His heartfelt love for them. Mmm, that's what I want.

Psalm 73:25-26 The Depth Of The Soul

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25, 26 NIV)

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. (1 John 4:16 NIV)

Have you ever felt like you were failing? Everywhere you turn you see your mistakes, flaws, and junk. You feel like you should just wake up with "I'm sorry" written on your forehead. I feel like that more often then I care to admit. However lately I could multiply those feelings times 10. Is it because I'm messing up more than before. No. Is it because I'm struggling with depression, some chemical imbalance. I don't think so. 

I'm on a sabbatical. I looked up the definition of sabbatical just to make sure that I was actually on one. Because I thought I would be resting and filling up with God, basically I thought I would be skipping and singing songs for a month. That is not how it has been at all, it has been painful. The definition I found was of or pertaining or appropriate to the Sabbath. bringing a period of rest. any extended period of leave from one's customary work, especially for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc. 

Well, if I honestly look at these last few weeks, I can say that I have indeed been on a sabbatical. The hum of daily tasks is quieting, but the silence is scary. It leaves a void that God wants to fill with more of Himself. The constant pressure of proving myself is lessening and it leaves a question of value. It is like swimming into the deep darkness of your soul expecting to find light and life, but only seeing corruption. The pressure is great in the deep and my body claws to find its way to the surface,  but something, someone is holding me in the deep no matter how hard I try to get out. I'm afraid I'm going to drown here. 

Yet I when I rest in the deep, I can see light, and that light comforts me. For even in the deep, perhaps especially in the deep God is there. The normal things that I use to numb the pain, to hide the darkness, don't work in the deep, for there are no distractions to run to. It is just the ugliness of my soul and God. I try to explain what I see to others, but they do not understand, because it is the depth of my own soul.  I feel like a freak, an outcast. I cry out for God to save me, He whispers that He is here, but He will not release me to go to the surface. He reminds me that I asked to go to the deep with Him. I asked to know Him and be known by Him and here we are. When will rest come? I seek it everyday in the toils of my old habits, but no rest is found there. I seek it in the knowledge of who God is and trying to conform to His pleasure, but the rest there is only temporary. 

Yet I hope in God. For I know He loves me and His plans are good. He say's I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I was made in the deep.  He tells me not to be afraid, for He is my air, He is my strength, He is my portion forever. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 I Am A New Creation!

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. (2 Corinthians 5:17 NASB)

Observation:

Paul is saying that because of Christ how we judge ourselves and others is forever changed; or at least it should be. We are no longer held captive by the standards that the world sets. The way we define beauty is different, the way we define success, the way we define love, all different. Because of this new definition, we are a new creature. We can look at urselves in a new way. 

What does new mean? Well, first it means we are new spiritually. What or Who directs our steps has changed. Because of this inner change, many other things will change. How we respond to adversity changes, how we love others changes, he we meet look at the world changes, even the route of life changes. 

Application:

Each day I wake up and my body looks the same if not worse then it did the day, or year before.  I actually make less money now than I did at 17 years of age. I have less Facebook friends then most musicians I know. Hmm, according to the worlds standards I am not beautiful, successful, or loving. It looks like this new creation God is making isn't very good at all, well at least according to the world. This is a conversation with God that I've had a few times. I ask God how it glorifies Him that on the outside I seem considerably less than I use too. 

However, God reminds me of the new in me...Him. I may not have many friends, but I love deeply and faithfully. I may not have the physical beauty that I use to, but His sweetness in me makes me beautiful! I may not make much money, but I am storing up treasures in heaven that won't be destroyed. I am changed and made new in Christ!

Prayer: 

Father, thank You for making me new. You continue to pour Yourself over me, making me more and more like You. Thank You for the reminder that I am new. Help me to anchor to these words when I struggle with comparing myself to the worlds standards.

Colossians 1:13-14 I Am Forgiven

For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. (Colossians 1:13, 14 NASB)

Observation: 

Paul reminds the Colossians church what Christ has done for them. Christ has redeemed them, meaning He has bought them back. In the Garden of Eden mankind sold themselves into slavery to sin and Christ has purchased us back for God. Not only are we brought back to God, we are cleaned and wear the righteousness that only 

Christ deserves. 

In Christ we also have forgiveness of sins. Meaning we just need to come to Him and receive healing and freedom from the sins of our past, and those sins no longer need to separate us from our Heavenly Father. 

Application:

The word that sticks out to me the most in these scriptures is WE. In Christ WE have redemption and forgiveness of sins. God has gotten me to a place where I understand and receive His gift of redemption and forgiveness. However, my heart is convicted that I don't give the same forgiveness that I receive. As if somehow, Christ's sacrifice only covered my sin on the cross, and not the offenses of others. I'm grateful God has shown me this ill-will in my heart.

Prayer:

Father, thank You for searching my heart, please forgive me for the ill-will I have held against others. Help me to fall more in love with You and to be changed by that love. I want to walk the walk of a peacemaker, but it first needs to start in my heart. Please help me continue to forgive and believe the best in others.

Romans 12:1 I Am A Living Sacrifice

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. (Romans 12:1 NASB)

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. (Romans 12:1 MSG)

Observation:

Until Jesus's death and resurrection on the cross, sacrifices always meant death. The Israelites would sacrifice a calf or a ram, etc, they didn't expect the animal to be resurrected. They knew the animal's death was necessary to cover their sin. But because of Jesus we can embrace sacrifice, because with sacrifice always brings new life in Christ. Or to put it a different way, with less of us there is more of God and His rule over our lives (John 3:30).

Paul is imploring the Corinthians to not go back to living their lives as they did before, as if they do not know Christ. Instead they (we) are to live in a constant renewal process; taking all that we are and all that we do to Christ and with expectant joy; getting excited about each day's adventure. 

Application: 

Trading my will for His is a daily battle, especially with the small stuff like the message version suggests. I don't ask The Lord when I should go to sleep, when and what I should eat and in a sense I'm withholding part of my life from Him. I am not a complete living sacrifice. Now is as great a time as any to develop the habit of being a living sacrifice with the small stuff. 

Prayer:

Father, help me to cling to Your will in every aspect of my life. I know that the more I live as a sacrifice to You, the deeper I draw into Your kingdom. 

Psalm 34:1 I am blessing The Lord at all times

I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. (Psalms 34:1 NASB)

I will praise the Eternal through every moment and every situation. Whenever I speak I will always praise Him. (Psalms 34:1 the VOICE).

Observations:

David write this psalm while pretending to be insane in order to protect himself from the Philistines (1 Samuel 20:10-15). Can you imagine hiding out in an enemy's camp in order to avoid an even greater one? David can't openly praise God, so he pens this psalm. He starts it out with I will bless the Lord at all times. Even though David can't openly bless the Lord, his heart and thoughts can be turned to Him.

I imagine by turning his thoughts to blessing God, David is comforted. He says in verse 18 and 19 that God is close to the righteous even and especially when they are in trouble. David reminds himself of who God is and God's promises. This blesses the Lord and comforts David.

Application:

As a worship leader, blessing The Lord is something that I think I do pretty well. At least I thought I did until I met Nathan. I met Nathan at a church in Colorado. He was in the front row singing at the top of his lungs. His arms were up in the air and very often in the middle of songs he would just shout and root for God. I've only seen this extreme behavior at sporting events. After the service I had an opportunity to talk to Nathan, he was born struggling for oxygen and because of that received some brain damage. But don't feel sorry for Nathan, he is more in love with Jesus Christ than anyone I've ever met. The day I met him was his birthday. He cried tears of joy as he told me how God had saved him and blesses him all the time. His eyes looked up to heaven with tears streaming down his face and he said "I know God loves me so much! And He loves you too Hope so much!". Everything about Nathan blessed The Lord. There was no complaint in him, no worries about tomorrow or what others thought of him, he loves The Lord and spends every second blessing Him. Still thinking about this divine encounter gets me choked up. Oh to be like Nathan!!

Prayer:

Thank You Father for introducing me to Nathan, I hope to have his genuineness and complete devotion to blessing You some day soon. Only You can change me Lord, and I ask that You do. Take this heart and make it into one that blesses You at all times.

2 Corinthians 5:7 I live by faith and not by sight

For we live by faith, not by sight. 

Observation: 

In 2 Corinthians 5, Paul is calling out the faith walk. He basically says "it's hard!". This world is not our home. This body, the flesh, works against the things of God and each day is a battle. But we have the Holy Spirit within us, encouraging us, fill us with truth and strength, and helping us live by faith.

Application:

Yesterday my family and I headed deep into the mountains of Colorado. In our rental car, the GPS charted the quickest route to our destination. We, however, did not know the adventure that was in store. As it turned out, the quickest route was through a mountain pass of steep cliffs and unpaved roads. Tim and I both deathly afraid of heights prayed fervently as we travelled through the winding and insecure terrain. In the car everyone was quiet and holding their breath and holding on for dear life.  When we finally made it down the mountain pass we got out and I cried, and we all laughed, in shock of what just happened. Now, although it was absolutely terrifying, it was absolutely beautiful. We were traveling where very few had travelled, it makes me tear up to think about it again. 

Would we have chosen that route if we had known it would be so terrifying...NO! And trust me, we have already plotted a different route back.  However, I'm grateful that we saw all that we did. 

Here is the application for me. If I had to plot my own route to heaven, knowing the terrain, I would choose the safest and quickest route. I would absolutely make decisions based on my knowledge and comfort zone. However, when we live by faith, we ask God to be our GPS, and He plans the best route to our destination. So when we tell others about our journey, we can say excitedly, "It was terrifying, beautiful, I can't believed that just happened, WOW GOD!" And we know without a shadow of a doubt that it was God who was driving and not us.

Prayer:

Father, thank You for holding us on the roller coaster of a mountain ride yesterday. I'm still in shock, I think :). But I'm grateful that You chart the course of my life and it is You that writes my story. I Love You!

1 Corinthians 4:3-5 I am important and valuable

I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. (1 Corinthians 4:3-5 NIV)

Observation:

Paul is writing to the church in Corinth because there is division over who was taught by whom. Some claim that they should lead because they were taught by Paul, while others because they were taught by Apollos. In these verses Paul is saying that the root cause for division is pride and boasting (3:21, 4:6,7). Paul uses the greek word physioo for pride instead of hubris. Hubris is thinking too highly of one self.  Physioo  means being overinflated, swollen, distended beyond its proper size. According to Timothy Keller's book, the freedom of self-forgetfulness this suggests 4 things about the natural human ego:

1. Empty - there is nothing in the center of the human ego.

2. Painful - because there is something wrong with it, the ego is constantly drawing  attention to itself.

3. Busy - it is busy drawing attention to itself by comparing and boasting. This is 

how the ego tries to comfort itself. At the root of pride is competitiveness. Pride gets  no pleasure out of having something, but only having more than the next person.

4. Fragile - anything that is inflated is in danger of being deflated.

Paul's identity is not tied to what people think about him, nor in what he thinks of himself.

We think the only remedy for low self esteem is high self esteem, so we tell ourselves or others not to worry about what others think and set our own standards, but this is a trap. Our sins and our identity is not connected, nor are our accomplishments and our identity.

Paul has stopped thinking about himself, if he does something wrong or something right, he does not connect to himself anymore.

Application

We are all looking for the ultimate verdict that we are important and valuable. We are looking everyday, in every situation. It is self esteem that puts us on trial every day and in this courtroom there is a prosecution and defense. Paul has left the courtroom because the ultimate verdict is already in. He says it is only God that can pass the verdict, and he has already been deemed important and valuable by Christ. Based on grace and not performance. Romans 8:1, mark 1:11, Matthew 3:17. See Christ's performance has been imputed on us. Instead of performance leading to a verdict, we perform because of the verdict.

Although my mind wraps around this truth, my heart doesn't. I have to apply this truth by constantly asking myself what I am doing in the courtroom. My biggest challenge is tying the way I look with my identity, this is where the question needs to be asked the most. I don't have to live my life in the courtroom anymore. I am important and valuable!

Prayer:

Father, thank You for Your grace that has imputed Christ's righteousness on to me. I praise You that it is grace that deems me valuable and not my performance. When I start to drift back into the self esteem courtroom, please get my attention and quickly walk me out of that courtroom. The verdict is in, I matter to You!

Identity

Throughout the month of July I will be studying on my identity in Christ. I am reading a few books and have about 40 scriptures that I hope to SOAP. My hope is that through this in depth study, I will no longer chase after the worlds definition of who I should be, but instead be completely grounded in who I am in Christ. I hope this helps you as the reader also :).